Lanre Olusola popularly called ‘the Catalyst’, is one of Africa’s Premier life, mind, emotions and behavioral change coach. While speaking on #WakeUpNigeria this morning, Lanre highlighted ways couples can build and rebuild trust in their relationships and marriages.
He initially gave two important reasons for lack of trust which he explained as,’lack of clarification of what they want or what trust is’ and ‘unrealistic expectations’.
He went on to explain the process of distrust from when it starts to the point of separation and advised that couples should be self aware of how they feel so it could be addressed early.
“Be self aware of how you are feeling when trust is broken. You begin to feel insecure because security is what trust gives. You begin to withdraw from psychologically, emotionally to physically. You also begin to assume and make meaning out of everything; assumptions provokes emotions and you begin to feel hurt. You don’t want to be with the person, you don’t want to be in the person’s space and the person starts to irritate you.”
Lanre advised that couples or people in relationships should try to know their spouse as that is the main reason for courtship while he advised on how to get over distrust.
“You have to be aware of your environment. If you know your spouse,when you see the change in his/her reaction and behavior, then begin to have the conversation on what is happening. Study the guy well as a lady, it’s the whole essence of courtship. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, it is easy to address broken trust in relationships than in marriage. The aggrieved has to decide to love and forgive him or her. The perpetrator has to promise to change and prove it. They both should discuss what they want and how to address issues; also deciding that there would be no secrets (like passwords on phones and so on) onward. Starting all over again is the best.”
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