October 3, 2017
Calling your child ‘brilliant’ doesn’t boost his/her self esteem – Prarent coach, Izefua
“Ignorance is a thief of fulfillment especially with parents who want the best for their children but don’t know how.” Izefua Ehia-Williams Erhaboh, a life, behavioural, parent & child well-being coach, extensively addressed the issues of ‘self esteem’ on #WakeUpNigeria.
Speaking with Yomi Owope this morning on the show, Izefua discussed ‘how to boost a child’s self esteem’
She began by explaining that there is a difference between self confidence and self esteem. She went further that self esteem is about liking and loving one’s self knowing that you are lovable and acceptable. She then said that there are certain things that make a child or anybody feel otherwise.
“What causes them to feel otherwise are: the words we use on them and how we interact with them day to day. These can take their esteem away”
She also noted that children are innocent and blank from birth which makes them daring and being able to talk to anyone. Inclusively, she added that as they interact with their environment,they begin to judge and access themselves based on how their parents access them.
Izefua also emphasized that a child who has low esteem does not necessarily withdraw but there are some other traits.
“Some might not even withdraw and get tired. You see a child who used to do well begin to to tell you that he can’t do it again constantly, they begin to lose the perception that they are capable. They also do not think that their friends accept who they are so they get socially inadequate. You easily know when a child is always cowering down and not able to raise his head to talk or converse with people.”
She addressed this issue as she exposed a way in which parents miss it. She talked about parents praising person instead of praising process which does more harm than good.
” How we praise our children either boosts or takes away their self esteem. You should praise the process employed for achieving success not person. For instance, if my child does well in her exams and I say ‘Oh, brilliant child’, that means that when she does not do well then she is not brilliant. That is the message we have passed to them. Instead of saying that, you can praise process by saying ‘you have made a great effort and your effort has payed off for you…’. This gives the child the impression that he or she has the ability to work hard and do well in his or her exams, they don’t have to be battling if they are brilliant or not.”