November 14, 2017
“You are either mummy or daddy not both to your children”- Izefua Erhaboh advises single parents
In the world today, single parenting seems to be the trending culture, both for young and old. The irony is that most single parents hide under their smiles but they are going through stress, trying to be both mummy and daddy to their children.
On WakeUpNigeria, parent and child well-being coach, Izefua E. Ehia-Williams Erhaboh gave some healthy tips which can reduce the overwhelming stress.
She firstly noted that a single parent should not play both roles as Mother and Father to their children because the pressure is too much.
“You are not mummy and daddy, you are either mummy or daddy. The pressure of being mummy and daddy is too much, you end up either over pampering them because you are trying to make up for the the absence of one parent or you are over protecting them.”
Addressing the issue of getting someone around and being a responsive adult to children, she explained as follows.
“Research is showing that to prevent teen pregnancy, a girl needs the presence of a male while growing up. The kind of man a girl ends up marrying a lot of times is a picture of the male in her life when she was younger or the absence of one.You need to support yourself with the right support system. If your child needs a male figure, it must not have to be the biological Father of the child. It could even be an uncle being present in the life of the child. You even need that support system for your health, for your well-being because a lot is over whelming, you need the person you can call for help. It must not be a direct relative, when circumstances happen, life provides us the opportunity to find such people in our lives. The person is not daddy nor mummy, you can’t replace daddy or mummy, but you can at least contribute to do those things a male or female can do in their lives.Science tells us that the presence of one responsive adult in the life of a child is sufficient . That is not to say they don’t need daddy and mummy , but when life throws situations at you, become that responsive adult in the live of your child, that is enough“
Also, affirming that there is stigma around single parenting, she proclaimed that what aids an healthy upbringing is not the availability of both parents but attitude.
“In the society, there is stigma attached to single parents, there is even stigma attached to the children who are being raised by single parents. These children feel uncomfortable around other children, there is a lot of mocking, laughing, etc There are several reasons why some people became single parents and some are legitimate(if I could say) such as abusive relationship, deliberate promiscuity and so on. A single parent should have an attitude of optimism. Fundamentally, it is not your marital status that will make you raise an healthy child, it is the attitude you have in your relationship, towards the situation and how effective your parenting style is.”